This girl is more easily done than said...
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
