in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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