I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
