If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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