There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
