hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
