I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
