I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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