Joe is yelling at the trees again.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
