it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
