did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
