she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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