She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
