I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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