is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
