...so i touched it.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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