"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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