You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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