The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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