Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
