is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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