that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
