yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize