Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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