I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
