Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
