If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
