Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
