Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
