Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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