PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
