booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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