I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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