once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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