Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize