haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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