No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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