There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
