It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize