She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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