TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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