I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I forgot how hot balto sounded
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
They took my balls.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
