Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
