At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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