So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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