where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
