I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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