K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
