Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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