Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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