i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize