He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize