My friends, they love my intelligence
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
