Don't make out with my wife yet
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
