never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
