By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
