Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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