I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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