Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
