there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
