Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Couch. On fire.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
