In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
