the condom got lost in my hair
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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