Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize