There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He? As in you personified your dick?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
